Congratulations to ‘Lotty’, our Highlighted Writer of the Week, for her powerful piece: ‘Chestnut Tapestry’ – I was impressed by it’s bravery and honesty, and how she uses simple, direct language, but in a way which focusses the reader on her story in a quite compelling manner. Great work, Lotty!
Chestnut Tapestry by Lotty
Recently I have taken to unpacking the chestnut fabric of the tapestry of my life, trying to figure out when I started feeling incomplete and not sure if I belonged in my size 33 feet; and always it appears to lead me back to when I was fourteen. I began to put on a boy-crazy mask to hide who I really wanted to be for almost a decade. I put on a spectacular performance eventually even convincing myself that this was the true soul; that it must be home .
But deep inside I was mixed up, unhappy, my personality turning bitter-cold. In all honesty I was Alone. It felt like I was an imposter. I was living in someone else’s flesh and bone.
But then my early twenties came along. I started to think that this masquerade show couldn’t go on. along the lines of The Script that I spoke. Lines meaning less and tasting frivolous and stale. So gradually I began to strip and shed the overlay of sensitive skin as I realised what I felt wasn’t a sin, because long ago I had chucked the idea of religion into the bin, setting it alight, because I was tired of putting on a front – the good Catholic girl was just a stunt.
Now, these last few years, I have embraced who I am; for doing this I am giving myself a great deal of praise, while wondering what lies at the end of another end of this chestnut tapestry of my recent life.